Your Feedback as a Mirror
I was at Starbucks yesterday waiting for my caramel macchiato when I overheard a conversation that went something like this:
“So I just put my handbrake on and sat there. There was no way I was moving, school or no school.”
“What did they do then?”
“They had to drive around me. One mounted the curb right at the school gates. There could have been an accident”
“Drivers around here are so rude aren’t they?”
Now, I don’t know these ladies, nor did I get the full story, but I had an idea what might have been going on. The first lady seemed to have a drivers grievance. You know the type; road rage before they have even unlocked the drivers side door. She had taken out her anger right in front of a school, right at the school run. Then she wondered why she was on the receiving end of a torrent of parental abuse.
Fact is, I imagine there are a lot of driving incidents we have no control over, but I wonder how many of her problems with other drivers are not a reflection of her own actions. If you assume the worst or drive angry, how are others going to react?
What you put out comes back
The same goes for bloggers. I know there will always be trolls, and the more traffic you get the higher the number. Some people though seem to draw them out like magnets, and not just on a full moon.
At the other end of the scale I was taken by surprise recently by a warm, positive but simple gesture. In the post I received a hand written note. It simply said how much the person valued me. That kind of thing warms your heart. I went out into the world with a spring in my step. Everyone seemed happy that day. Wonder why? 
To me the concept we need to grasp is a lot of the trouble or joy out there starts in here, between your own ears. It’s a feedback loop. Garbage in, garbage out.
Smile and the world smiles back
Imagine walking up to a mirror, scowling and clenching your fists. No matter how much you shout at the mirror, you are not going to change that reflections mood. Put on a happy face though and the reflection changes. It sounds daft but isn’t raging against our reflection, ie. the world, exactly what people do? We project anger or paranoia and wonder why the world isn’t a happy place.
Your blog is a reflection of you. Your business is a reflection of you. Even your email correspondence.
If a lot of the comments or feedback you receive are negative, have a good think about why. It could be the source is close to home.
When you write, meet or talk, put a smile on your face. Remember what you get back depends on what you put in and every little helps.
Posted on January 10th, 2008 by Chris Garrett in Productivity
Hey Chris,
I’ve noticed this a lot recently as I have been posting many comments on other people’s blogs.
I’ve found that a friendly and positive comment will normally results in a friendly and positive comment back - maybe even a return site visit.
“Treat others as you would like to be treated yourself”
By the way, I love those new “pull out” sections of text that you have in your posts. Breaks up the text nicely and gives the whole thing a professional look.
Chris,
Isn’t it funny that when someone gives us a negative comment or may say something nastie, we hold on to it for months and sometimes years, often taking it to heart. Yet when a compliment is paid to us it is normally forgotten in a few days.
Regards.
That’s just a brilliant article chris, you must be a brilliant sorta guy!
We call it, “What goes around, comes around.”
Buddha called it “karma”. LOL.
With that Flames t-shirt and sticking out your tongue, you’re just asking for me to turn into a troll, aren’t you Chris? :p
Great post, today. You get what you give. It’s such a simple concept, but it’s so easy to lose sight of it, and think that the world is out to get us.
Act “nice” and you’ll get mostly nice comments on your blog. And, when you do get trolls, deal with them as professionally as possible. Don’t let their negativity bring you—and your blog’s tone—down to their level.
P.S.: Go Oilers!
I often hear bloggers say, “This blog is my home. You wouldn’t walk into a stranger’s home and act like this, would you?”
The answer is (usually) no.
On the other hand, when you receive guests into your home, do you go sit in the kitchen with your coffee and notebook, and let them chat amongst themselves in the living room - alone? Absolutely alone? Without saying a word to them, without waving or smiling or even offering a quick, “Thanks! Come again!”
No, you wouldn’t.
So why is it that many bloggers don’t take an active role in being a good host to their guests? I enjoy blogs that treat me like a welcome friend (or fake that I’m a welcome friend - who knows, eh!). I treat commentators on my blog as welcome friends also. (Or at least, politely, depending on what the commentators have to say.)
So yes. Smile. Be friendly. Show you’re a good host and a good guest. It goes a long, long way.
(Oilers? Oh, well, it’s okay. They have a bunch of Quebecers on the team, so I’ll cheer for that ;p)
Man, this is so true. But you know, sometimes I think our blogs are also mirrors for others. When people don’t like what they see reflected back at themselves, they can get defensive in their comments as though you had personally attacked them. I never ceases to amaze me. I just want to say to them: “Dude, this ain’t about you!”
@Steve - I have seen that on Twitter too, lately some conversations have gone from the light and cheery type I had gotten used to and started getting into heated debates. It seems a lot of the cause is laziness, using 140 character limit as an excuse for just snapping out an answer instead of explaining well. Perhaps in blogs it is the same, people rush out a post then feel the heat from a backlash as the subscribers take offense?
@jsanderz - Good point, one of the reasons I have the note I received right here on my desk
@Ming - Thanks, I do try
@pelf - Yes I think Karma has a lot to do with it but I also think some people go out into the world ready to fight anything that moves
@Adam - I will forgive the Oilers comment because the rest of your comment is spot on
@James - Excellent kitchen analogy, I might have to steal that one day
@Michael - Oh yes, I have seen that a few times where people think I have written about them. Here’s a clue people, if I don’t mention you by name then don’t assume it’s about you, heh
What’s that song? I bet you think this song is about you 
Thanks Chris for such a great reminder to always take the “higher road” no matter what someone else might have to say in a moment that they might live to regret.
I too might have to borrow the kitchen bit someday … I really do enjoy your blog - it’s a bright spot in my usually hectic day. Know you’re appreciated *hugs* Suzanne
I think James’ analogy is great, and he makes a good point. Namely: interact with your commentators! I hate when I leave a comment on a blog, and the blogger doesn’t take the time to respond to me. If it happens once or twice, that’s understandable. But, when the blogger NEVER bothers to reply to his/her comments? That bugs me, especially when it’s a relatively small blog and there aren’t many comments to respond to in the first place.
@Suzanne - You are so kind
@Adam - Yeah there seems to be a spot where bloggers switch off from reading their own comments. I’m not sure if it is laziness or ego …
This is a fantastic post and so true!!! I wish more people could grasp this concept. Thanks for sharing.
Some interesting discussion in your comments section too. I hope I NEVER get to a point in blogging where I don’t value my readers enough to respond to them.