Tips for Dealing with Blogging Disagreements
Occasionally you will get people in comments or on their own blogs who disagree with you.
I know from conversations with bloggers, especially people new to blogging, this is a cause of stress and upset. Particularly when the disagreement contains attacks or is forcefully put across.
How do you deal with them?
First of all I encourage people to disagree with me. We learn through mistakes, if I have made an error of judgement or delivery I want to know about it.
It’s a little easier for me than people just starting out because I have had many years of doing this to grow a carapace of protection against what other people think 
Your job when someone disagrees is to understand the other persons position
- Random Loonies – They might be just lashing out and their point might have zero merit. This happens a lot. These people just want attention or to vent at someone and you were just a convenient target.
- Crossed Wires – They misunderstood (or hallucinated) what you said. On occasion they forcefully agree with you without realising they are in agreement. Sometimes they see sense eventually, sometimes they will never see sense because they are projecting wrongness onto you and ignore anything to the contrary.
- Legitimate Complaint – In this case they actually have a rational argument about what you really said.
Tip Number 1: Accept that everyone has a right to an opinion, and even if you disagree with what they say, appreciate the fact that they have taken the time to contribute.
I say everyone has a right to an opinion, not a right to a comment on your blog. They can write what they think on their own blog but you get to decide who appears on yours. If you don’t like what someone wrote you have the right to remove it. I’m clear in my own comment policies where and why I would do that, I recommend you have your own policy.
Tip Number 2: Chill! Don’t respond in the heat of the moment. Don’t write a rant. Walk away. Come back with a clear head and without emotion. Don’t escalate.
It’s so easy to come back all guns blazing. All you will succeed in doing is make yourself look an overly emotional idiot with a short fuse.
Tip Number 3: Don’t judge, don’t try to change them.
It’s pretty obvious that you don’t come out and call them a fool but it might surprise you, that I don’t recommend trying to change their mind. If they disagree with you and you try to persuade it tends to turn into an argument rather than agreement.
Of course try to better explain, it could be just a misunderstanding. But don’t tell them they are wrong, and certainly don’t encourage others to beat them down. Just acknowledge their comment and move on.
Part of the problem is people need to save face. With this in mind, even if your arguments win them over, they have been publicly seen to hold a different position. This has a powerful affect on a persons ability to switch tracks. Add to this, even if you are very careful with your wording, any “attack” on this position will be felt as an attack on them.
Best to leave the wrongness of their position to be understood by those who want to I think.
You? How do you deal with disagreements in blogging? Let me know your tips in the comments …
By Chris Garrett. Posted in Blogging
You have to have a thick skin, and yet, at the same time, you have to be willing to accept a commenter’s point and publicly allow yourself to be corrected. And you need to be able to do that graciously, thanking your loyal readers for having your back. As soon as you get snippy about it, you create a divisive atmosphere between you and your visitors. You effectively just pulled the plug on your blog’s community. By taking a “thanks for the help” approach, everybody stays on the same side and the community becomes stronger.
I think your third point is right on. If the person is civil and courteous, you can “agree to disagree” and still get along with each other respectfully. Allowing both yourself and the other person a way to save face is important.
That’s a great way to put it, thanks Michael
Great advise, Chris. I try to be overly polite to my critics as well. You’d be surprised who people back peddle when they find out you’re really a nice guy.
Yeah, a lot of people lose steam when you don’t stoke their fires
Normally, I enjoy the give and take. Some of my blogs are serious, and debate is great content. My other blogs tend to be more tongue-in-cheek and it’s part of the tone to poke fun back at the person.
Unfortunately, I had one guy last week that (wrongfully) accused me of spamming his “bud’s thread”. No clue what he was talking about, and he wouldn’t accept this nor go away. I had to install an IP blocker.
Yeah a good natured cut and thrust is great content, unfortunately some people don’t know how far they ought to take it.
On my photography blog I had a persistent pr0n spammer. He even registered to post his filth. That’s the only time I have needed to IP block but I had to block the same guy over and over until he got the message.
The most useful phrase I’ve discovered is, “You may be right.” (the “but I don’t think so” part is unspoken)
I like that, I think I will use it
One of my old bosses used to say “Understood”, with the “… but I disagree” part unspoken
I recently had a situation come up on an activist/advocacy site I run, Fight CPS. A couple in Texas disagreed with what I was doing and started saying hurtful and insulting things to the people the site was built for. I exchanged a few comments with them, then decided to ban the man because of the types of things he kept writing. When I woke up the next morning, the woman’s comment was stuck in my comment filter, and that’s when I realized I was dealing with a married couple. They continued to send insulting comments for a few days after that, most of which were never posted. I wrote an article about them, and they’ve apparently moved on and found a new hobby.
Oh that sucks. Those nasties you can’t shake off are the worst.
I am so glad that I read your post today…I had been debating about what to do with a bunch of spam comments that I had been receiving this past week.
The comments have nothing to do with the post they are put on and are just ads for the persons site, links to adult sites, and one that was just totally weird…now after reading this, I will be deleting them. I have also added a comment policy.
Thanks again for writing this post, now I don’t feel so bad about deleting those comments.
Glad you found it useful
Chris,in Al-Anon, I learned to say, “Thank you for sharing that.” and nothing else. Nobody can argue with those words. You have acknowledged the other person’s point of view. You are being nice. You haven’t attacked anyone. They can’t attack what you said,end of discussion, no fire added to their side or yours.
Patricia
MY CREATIVITY COMES FROM THE UNIVERSE AND BENEFITS THE UNIVERSE THROUGH THE SHARING OF MY JOURNEY.
Funnily enough I used a variation of that phrase on another blog just today
Chris;
I totally disagree with you!
Just kidding!
Great post.
I was frankly shocked at the number of folks who disagreed with my first post on Copyblogger.com
I chalked it up to the audience being less marketing focused.
However, I think that debate creates interest.
Mike
Disagree away, I encourage it
Yeah I have found a lot of people on CopyBlogger argree (argue but are really agreeing, those people who argue what they think you might have said or are disagreeing with a hallucination
)
Hi Chris
Great article.
I moderate all my comments on my site, the only ones that don’t get published are ones with swearing or spam, the rest all get included, whether they agree with me or not.
Fatgadget brings up a good point. I’ve always published everything people say but spam or vile hate-spewing comments. People will not feel that their comment is worth anything if they perceive that you only allow agreeable comments. They will see that you don’t really want to know what they think, you just want praise and agreement.
Yes and plus you don’t tend to learn quite as much from praise
If you make it a habit always to focus on the position rather than the person do you rarely go wrong I think.
The minute you start arguing based on who rather than what are you lost whatever the dispute is about.
Mixing the the two is the only thing that is worse. Just think about the last time you used a sentence like “you said this or that”. Firstly, they may not even have said it even if you thought you heard it, they may have said it, but meant something else by it or at least are you trying to tie the person to the position. You are hence either debating on the wrong grounds or starting to debate the person rather than the position.
This is actually a great topic, which I may take up on my own blog if you don’t mind? And you don’t mind do you Chris!
Great topic, and oh-so-timely. I just received a comment today on yesterday’s post that disagreed with what I put forward.
As a spiritual blogger, I come from the perspective that we each create our own (perception of) reality based on our beliefs, likes, dislikes, desires aversions etc…
This commenter was absolutely correct in his statement – in his reality.
I read his comment, then had to leave to teach a yoga class. I watched my mind rant and rave during the drive… so glad I wasn’t sitting at the desk writing it out in response.
Later, when I came back, another commenter has said the exact opposite based on the same material.
Perfect illustration of the underlying subjective nature of reality. One article, two responses. Both valid and correct.
Arguing one way or the other on my part is only seeking to establish that my way is the right way. Which it’s not. It’s the right way for me, ‘cos I find it works. You can take it or leave it.
And I take your way on this Chris – your description of how to deal with negative comments it right on.
Big smiles,
KL
Chris,
Good advice … online and off. ‘Not trying to change people’ is probably the hardest one to learn, and the one that applies to so many situations.
Well since I just started blogging I get no disagreements but if I do I’ll cut them down to size because I’m usually right. And if they’re right, I’ll just delete their comment because it’s my blog and I’m not here to kiss anyone’s butt.
Very good tips, I don’t usually disagree with many people but have had in the past including in real life which these tips are also good advice for
When I see disagreement:
1. I still publish their comments, but i try to evaluate the reason of disagreement
2. If you feel, you must clear it, I take time and write response.
Rajesh Shakya
Helping technopreneurs to excel and lead their life!
I had someone I respected come on my site and call me a bad and unethical blogger. I responded to her comments, and she realized she was out of line somewhat. We took the discussion offline, and I deleted both our comments since they were rather embarassing.
Bottom line, we both grew from the experience, learned some new things, and the discussion inspired me to revamp my blog for the better.
Sometimes things that first appear negative, may actually be positive. It’s just the way you approach it.