I just found your blog from a list of top 50 blogs to watch and it was right. My morning has been spent reading your blogs and the quality post from your audience.

Regarding Do You Dare put Down the Mask, I couldn’t agree more. Nobody is perfect so why try to create a perfect online image. As the most important lessons in life are learned from mistakes, why not share those with others? In doing, hopefully we pass on a bit of knowledge and with it, a bit of our real self.

I completely agree that authenticity is important in everything you do, whether daily living, business related, or within social media. What’s the point of being YOU if you’re not well… being YOU? None in my book, and it’s a sad state of affairs when you dislike yourself so much you feel you have to hide who you really are. Thanks again for the post.

Warm regards,
C

Thanks for giving the world a view of how “what we share” does not have to be “secrets”. I have enough healing to do on my own with all the things we inherit from our families which I gladly accept as part of my journey here on planet earth. My point being everyone has their own “stuff” we do not have to dump each other’s “stuff” on each other or out there for it to be validated.

I much rather validate the light in each other and grow that for the world.

p.s. what about that silly game we all played I forget the name where we hit a ball from one side of the screen to the other, giggle-now look at games whew.

In a few years I think I want to move on to a different approach to blogging/twitter/etc and think I’ll probably use my first name. As another commenter said, for women there’s a little more of a risk. Most guys on the web aren’t dangerous but dangerous guys do know how to use the computer too.

This is a good post, Chris, and you raise some important points. But I do want to say something because it seems the post implies that a pseudonym is a mask.

In many cases, a pseudonym is quite the opposite. You can be exactly who you want to be – and people see you exactly as you want to be seen.

After I revealed my gender, I had many, many people saying, “Wow, this must be a huge relief for you!!”

*blink blink* No? Why on earth would you think that? Now, instead of talking to me about business, people talk to me about kids and housecleaning. Now, instead of being able to virtually swagger, people expect me to be demure and soft. Now, instead of being called dude and buddy, I’m being called lady and mademoiselle.

In hindsight, my pseudonym was not a mask. It was the authentic me. (And I’m rather glad I kept it!)

This just strikes such a chord for me. When I first started out I used to use different personas and although I never claimed to be something I wasn’t it is much easier being yourself. Of course the boundaries are important especially where family are concerned, just because we have chosen to reveal our souls doesn’t mean our family should.

On the introvert side, it’s something I can say I am not but a real life networking event still gives me the creeps. Stick me on stage or in front of a camera and I’m fine. That said I still find myself struggling online in some circles. But where I never struggle is when I am talking about things I love, that’s right, when being myself.

Speak soon
Sean

@Amy – I have often said that the internet has a long memory and we should be cautious also of real time updates (esp geo updates). Well, Google Buzz just added a whole new dimension! Apparently they are connecting people automatically, before you even opt-in. Which is making for some, um, interesting connections. Like connecting a lady apparently to her abusive ex-husband …

@John – It’s funny though how many reality shows are scripted? Derren Brown once had something to say about the staging and editing techniques used but I can’t find it right now. Essentially he said they were all very manipulative to a genius degree.

@John – Oh yes, tell me about it. People often argue with me about something they hallucinated, that I didn’t say, in a way I never said it. Sometimes I think people play contact form roulette

@Zack – There is a definite concious line you need to tread. As I say above, you can’t put things back into the private box, so keep things “need to know basis” – most stuff, random strangers do NOT need to know. And even people who you think are friends don’t necessarily need all your information over again via social sites (these sites are notorious for leaking or changing the privacy rules, and never to be MORE private). So divulge only what is safe and necessary, but don’t stop being yourself. There is a difference between dumping data and having a conversation Will definitely check out your site

@Gladys – Go back far enough and 8/10 bloggers you like will have had a bumpy start to their blogging, with the same doubts, same worries, and same mistakes. All part of the process

@angelika – How do you mean strange?

@Srinivas – TMI is a real problem, but I think 90% of TMI is caused by people just dumping facts/opinions and not having a point. If I talk about something personal it better have a reason being there, otherwise it is just weighing the conversation down with clutter. On the other hand, an interesting personal anecdote turns the point you want to make into IMAX 3d technicolour with THX cow bell

@Rinaldi – What you share or don’t share often has a lot to do with why you are communicating as much as what I think.

I interview bloggers almost daily for BlogcastFM.com and the idea of authenticity is one that I come across almost every single time. When I spoke with Jonathan Mead yesterday he told me the point at which he hit his hockey stick was when he started to write from his own unique voice.

I think another problem we’ve run into as bloggers is this “too much information/oversharing mentality”, yet sometimes it’s those posts that you think you shouldn’t publish that set you apart. A few months back I wrote a post called “why I quit my job in two weeks.” The CEO of the company I currently work at read that post and actually brought it up during my interview with him. In the moment I was about to tell myself “oh shi@#” he actually told me that it was one of the reason he brought me in for an interview. I think this topic could be a blogging course in an of itself because it’s one of those things that takes time to develop. Thanks for getting this out there. I think many people can really benefit from it.

I’m a new blogger, really, really new (I just begging this January). I never read any blogs before, but I felt the need to read about them once I began bloging. As you pointed out in this post, I felt I wasn’t good enough… It’s not a very good feeling.
I just began, because I wanted to share with the world my New Year’s Resolution as a way to keep a promise with myself. I figured I could keep blogging to talk about my progress, but I freaked out and haven’t written since.

Like you, I got started online back in the days of BBSes when using pseudonyms really WAS the way you did things. You used a handle or nick and that was that. And the cooler your handle, the better. I always wanted to be a Sysop, but never quite made it…

And also, like you, I happen to be a solid INFP, but I’m energized by teaching. Sometimes I test as an ENFJ or ENFP so who knows.

For me the issue has always been about privacy and safety. (Well OK, it’s also about the me-looking-dumb-factor.)

But truly, we’ve never had an internet in the history of the human race and so it’s still sorting itself out in terms of far-reaching effects and ways it’s changing our world culture.

Admittedly I worry about the permanent nature of everything that’s posted. I know it’s just pure hubris to think that anyone would even care that I said something stupid, but that doesn’t stop my Ego from flailing away at me just before I hit the send/post button.

That indelible and public nature of the ’Net is still a bit of a weird thing for me to deal with, strangely enough. I think about it a lot in terms of democracy and our freedoms. And even the small factor of allowing ourselves our human foibles such that they’re not held against us later out of context.

For instance…

http://blog.nj.com/njv_kelly_heyboer/2009/11/will_the_internet_let_us_forge.html

It’s odd. I’m a major early adopter in almost every area of life, but when it comes to outing myself on the Internet I’ve always hung back way past the curve. (That’s changing fast though now. )

All that aside, this post was quite a welcome wake-up call. The point I liked most was the “get out of your head” idea.

One of the most satisfying and rewarding activities for me is teaching others and I note every time that when I’m caught up in my own story about what is OK and not OK to say online, etc., I completely sabotage my ability to make a contribution and connect with others. In turn I miss out on the incredible learning opportunity that meeting like and unlike minds affords. Wow, what a bummer that is! (Obviously privacy is always an issue and I feel the same as you and others about family and the obvious lines we must draw.)

Er sumthin’ like that… And yes, I dare you to look at my about page now…

Looking forward to your next post!

I used to be very careful about what I put online, rarely using my real name in anything. I actually began to respond to my online nickname in public, since that was sometimes how people I met knew me best!

Then Google came onto the scene, and as I moved through jobs, volunteer commitments, and other personal interests, I learned that I was definitely not anonymous.

So much of life is publicly documented in ways we have no control over – whatever my wishes, one Google search a number of years ago proved my ‘maskless face’ was already out there!

As I become more active in public forums like Twitter, I still wrestle with issues of disclosure; it’s easier to cling to the mask. But I’ve also realized that I personally give little credence to those who don’t connect what they’re saying with themselves.

Thanks for an interesting discussion!

After some dithering, I decided that I’m a whole, integrated person. My personal worldview is just as much a part of who I am just as my professional competence. If people discount my professional contributions because they disagree with my personal opinions, that’s their loss. (A side benefit is that it makes me *far* less likely to engage in online name-calling.) After all, one can acknolwedge Noam Chomsky’s contributions to lingustics regardless of one’s opinion of his political views.

While I’m open about who I am, I’m very circumspect regarding my family. Online, I refer to my kids by code names, and the few places I’ve posted pictures of them are restricted to invited friends and family.